She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
