I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
