that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you traded sex for a burrito?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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