Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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