My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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