i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
