he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
