Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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