I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the day after is always just damage control
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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