You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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