Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
