he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
