i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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