In the future we'll all be gay
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
