Your mouth is God's brothel.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
