i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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