so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I could make wine with my vomit
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize