Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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