I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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