Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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