Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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