its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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