If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
