then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
