just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
