good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
