My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Randomize
