just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
