There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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