I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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