I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
