Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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