singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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