dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
