On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
