All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
