Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
