I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
