just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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