my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize