I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
