I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
