i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
