so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize