ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
