I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
