put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
