Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i now understand why vodka
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
