I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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