We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
