I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
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Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
