I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
