There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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