You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
