her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
