I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
