why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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