The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
