don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
