I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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