the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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