When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
