do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
