Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food