Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
