I think im going to throw up on grandma
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security