True but thats because hes a fetus.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?