I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked