my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
