another moral hangover. fuck.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
