I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
