can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
