theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming