Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Every concussion has its silver lining
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already