Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
