Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.