i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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