i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
