I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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