The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
