yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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