cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
