So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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